Wow, Ladies. What a time we’re living in. If only Elizabeth Cady Stanton could see us now. We’ve come so far. Men used to call us “stupid bitches” to our face, right in front of our children. Now, they still do that, but not as much. It’s an especially exciting time to be a woman in comedy. In fact, just a few days ago, I saw a wise truth-telling male comedian say that “women and minorities have never had it better in comedy!” And boy, was he right. Just as men usually are. Here’s a list of times I’ve loved being a woman in comedy!!!
- Years ago, when I first started comedy, an older male comic was kind and encouraging to me. He told me that I was funnier than anyone else he’d ever seen! Then, he asked me to suck his dick! But in a really cool and kind and respectful and fun way! Hashtag blessed!
- Another time being a woman in comedy was HELLA DOPE was when a guy on Facebook told me he hoped I got murdered, a guy on reddit told me he hoped I got raped, and a guy on instagram DMed me a picture of his beautiful penis with the message “u r not funny!” Omg guys, stop! One at a time! I can’t handle all this praise! Too many fans! Can somebody get Susan B. Anthony on the line?
- Being a woman in comedy is super fun and cool and there is no adversity to overcome! That’s what I reminded myself when I get “notes” from male gatekeepers. I got an email telling me to be more of a “naughty girl next door” which was so helpful, because before that I had been trying to be more of a LITERAL girl next door, you know? I had been moving every month trying to be everyone’s next door neighbor and it was exhausting. Now I just try to make sure that my labia is always clearly in view of my neighbors, a family of four. I know their youngest child is only four, and maybe that’s innapropriate, but I gotta do what the big boss man wants!
- Another thing that is super fun about being a woman in comedy is how much men love to take you on the road with them! They love it! Nobody has ever told me that I can’t do feature work because I’m too “distracting” or my “tits are too big” or “my husband shouldn’t allow it!” That would be WILD and it for sure has never happened to me! Definitely not all within the past four months! Silly me and my drinking glug glug glug.
- The best thing about being a woman in comedy is all the funny, funny, funny tags dudes give me for every joke I post online. It was stupid of me to think the joke was finished! God, what a fucking idiot I am! Keep those tags coming, daddy! I also love explaining my jokes to men. It’s my fault for not making them more clear in the first place. Time for my nightly flogging!
I’m off to go run the world! Who run the world? GIRLS! That’s why we’ve had so many female presidents! What a time to be alive!