What Your Favorite Protest Craft Supply Say About You

people rallying carrying on strike signage
Photo by Martin Lopez on Pexels.com

Sharpie markers (black): rushed, probably used it mostly for the smell which dulls the memories of your sexual assault that you’re admitting in public for the first time. Definitely not made in the basement with love.

Sharpie markers (colored): Only acceptable in red and blue. Pink is too emotional, green is too needy, purple means you’re a communist or socialist or whatever.

Glitter: Your enthusiasm for the issues is disgusting and it’s getting all over my expensive black suit. This is literally the STD of the crafting world (never mind, you don’t know what STDs are because we cut funding to health education).

Hand-drawn pictures: Oh, you probably went to “art school,” didn’t you Picasso? By that, I mean the basic “standard” of “public education that included art classes.” Ha. We’ll see about that after the next election, Monet.

Cardboard box as sign: Hey, mobster. That’s right. Mob. If I keep saying it means something. I’m sorry, but if you hear about a breaking news event, you should not hit the streets immediately in protest. You should respect the process enough to Google the closest Hobby Lobby (yes, it must be a Hobby Lobby) and buy a regulation poster board, or else it is not lovingly made. NO LOVE, do you hear me? You do not love your rights at all.

Pre-printed sign: Totally legit, not paid for at all or handed to you before a rally in which you were strategically placed behind the podium of the speaker. So much love made in the basement—which is not a creepy phrase at all. Nope. Here is fifty dollars for your love of democracy.

 

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