If you’re tired of counting calories and keeping up with the latest nutritional research, look no further! We have the hottest diets based on works of literature. Trust us, and impress the members of your feminist book club with the results!
The Gone With the Wind “Don’t Give a Damn” Diet
Fiddle-dee-dee! Like Scarlett, let nothing stand between you, your beaus, and your BBQ! So your doctor wants you to lose 10-15 pounds and lower your cholesterol … worry about that later! Just cinch that corset to the desired 18-inch waist and eat what you want. After all, “tomorrow is another day.”
The Harry Potter and the “Goblet of Fire Water” Diet
Like that ace potions student, Hermione Granger, mix yourself your own special potion every morning. Just get some Bloody Mary mix, some vodka, and add a sprig of kale. Voila! That daily infusion of magical spices will make those calories vanish as if you had muttered “Evanesco!”
The Anna Karenina “Chew Chew Train” Diet
Like that sensual Russian rebel, Anna Karenina, throw off the chains of social constraints and run away from your responsibilities. Kids waiting for you to put dinner on the table? Leave some hot pockets in the freezer and treat yourself to a meal at a Michelin-starred restaurant. If it is forbidden but feels good, do it! Warning: stay away from moving locomotives while practicing this diet.
The Pride and Prejudice “Pemberley 30” Diet
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man or woman living on 2,000 calories a day is in need of a diet. Like Elizabeth Bennet, keep a clear head as those around you preen and scheme for social advancement. For thirty days, eschew all servings of alcohol as if they were unwanted marriage proposals from gentlemen with an alarmingly close degree of consanguinity.
The Scarlet Letter “Shame Spiral” Diet
The Puritans got it right: there is no motivator greater than shame! Take a note from Hester Prynne, and wear a placard displaying your current weight as a fashion accessory. The judgmental looks on people’s faces will help you contemplate the sinfulness of sugary snacks.
The Anne of Green Gables “Ingestion with an ‘E’” Diet
Let’s celebrate the spunky and romantical redhead, Anne of Green Gables by ingesting only orange foods. Pair your meal with an elegant glass of Raspberry cordial to wash the carotene and citrus down. If anyone questions the efficacy of this diet, feel free to break a slate over his head.
The Alice in Wonderland “Eat Me/Drink Me” Diet
No one is more culinarily adventurous than Alice in Wonderland. When she sees a bottle labeled, “Drink me,” she does! Emulate her free spirit by vaping and smoking magic mushrooms to your heart’s content. For that extra boost to the metabolism, huff a bit of mercury vapor; you never see a mad hatter suffering from obesity, do you?
A Streetcar Named Desire “Southern Hospitalization” Diet
Mimic the vulnerable and intoxicating Blanche Dubois by surviving solely on crumbs provided “by the kindness of strangers.” After all, one must remain lithe and agile to evade the grasp of the “Stanleys” of the world. Bonus byproduct: all the cute doctors you’ll meet in the asylum.