The Pros and Cons of Listening to Lady Gaga’s “Shallow” On Repeat During My Morning Train Ride


Pro: An otherwise crowded, lifeless train ride is now underscored by the most emotional song ever written.

Con: I am crying on someone’s baby.

Pro: The song is so beautiful, I can’t help but sing along audibly.

Con: When I belt the unmistakable  AhahahHAAHAHAhahahaHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAH part, a toddler tells me to, ” Shut the fuck up.”

Pro: I am so overwhelmed with passion, that I feel compelled to put “Shallow” on speaker, so that everyone can hear it.

Con: Several passengers throw garbage at me while screaming, “Turn that off bitch!”

Pro: The song is too provoking to just listen to in the train car, so I move myself to that in between cars part to listen to it where I can feel more liberated.

Con: I nearly fall to the tracks and die.

Pro: I return to the train car to perform a gorgeous, impassioned, and partially nude interpretative dance to the part when Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga sing “In the sha-ha-hallow, in the sha-ha-hallow.”

Con:  I am arrested for indecent exposure.

Pro: As I continued to play “Shallow” while being escorted to the local precinct, I decide that I, like Ally in A Star is Born, am destined for a career in music.

Con: I quit my job immediately.

Pro: Still playing the song, I decide to book a national tour so that I can exclusively sing “Shallow” over and over, across the country until I die.

Con: I lose the deed to my house and my family stops speaking to me.

Pro:  Still playing “Shallow,” a year later, on repeat at full volume, I perform my tour for very limited audiences across the U.S., most of whom are confused.

Con: I lose all my savings and am officially homeless.

Pro: A whole five years of playing “Shallow” on repeat, and I am fully at peace with the fact that my life has crumbled into nothing because of this gorgeous song.

Con: There is no con. It was all worth it. “Shallow” is just THAT BEAUTIFUL.

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