Five Trends You Absolutely Have To Try This Fall

woman standing near trees
Catch a cold like this trendy bitch!
  1. An Endless Hacking Cough
    Everyone who’s anyone will be hacking up a lung all autumn, honey! It doesn’t matter how you get one — bronchitis, the flu, pneumonia, chain smoking — just make sure you spend the next few months coughing your way to a six-pack just in time to show off that perfect bikini body to…no one!
  2. A Nasty Sinus Infection
    This trend works as well on its own as it does paired with an endless hacking cough. Either way, green, dripping snot is the must-have look of the season. If you want to be ahead of the curve, mix it with a throbbing headache centralized in your forehead and frequent sneezing.
  3. Dry Skin
    If there’s one fall trend everyone from Zendaya to your friend’s baby to your grandfather will be rocking, it’s dry ass skin. The good news about this trend is that it’s unavoidable! No matter how much lotion and coconut oil you slather all over your body, your skin will be flaking off one tiny piece at a time until May.
  4. A Creeping Sense Of Dread
    We all love autumn: the refreshing chill in the air! The leaves! The sweaters! But if you really want to be one of the cool kids, make an effort to remember that fall is short, but winter is long — and just around the corner.
  5. Sweatpants
    This should be your go-to item to mix and match with any other fall trends! Whether you’re lying on the couch coughing, lying on the couch sneezing, lying on the couch dreading yet another endless winter, or lying on the couch applying lotion to no avail, you should do so while wearing the shit out of a pair of sweats. And we’re not talking fancy, expensive sweatpants — we’re talking about that old, stained pair from college that fits you like a sleeping bag. The less fashionable your sweats, the more on-trend you are, honey!

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