All I want this Halloween is for my friends to know I’ve seen A Star is Born three times in theaters, and boy oh boy, am I brimming with costume ideas!
Jackson Maine on a Good Day
Shaggy wig, cowboy hat, cowboy boots, fake beard, a bucket of water to pour down my face and back to look sweaty, and a sweet ass guitar duct taped to my hands.
Jackson Maine on a Bad Day
Shaggy wig, cowboy hat, cowboy boots, fake beard, a bucket of water (and some blood) to pour down my face and back to look sweaty/ like I just fought my brother, and a sweet ass bottle of pills and whiskey duct taped to my hands.
Jackson Maine’s Brother
Blue denim shirt, cowboy boots, white wig, white fake mustache, make up to make it look like I don’t have any lips, and a mumbled accent that makes everything I say really cool, cryptic, but ultimately incomprehensible.
Ally During Her Earth-Shattering La Vie En Rose Performance
Thin black eyebrows, black painted hair, black lace dress, black heels, roses coming out of my bra, a dirty martini in my right hand, and a penetrative gaze that forces all onlooking rock stars to become obsessed with me.
Ally When She First Sings “Shallow” On Stage With Jackson
Crop top, cool black jeans, epic belt chain clinking around pelvic region, wild, naturally highlighted, sandy blonde hair, and a refusal to respond to anything in conversation with anything other than “Shallow’s,” “AHHHHHaaaaaahahaHUHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHahhhhUhhhhhhahahahHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Ally When She Realizes She’s Famous
Orange wig, diamond earrings, poofy black tutu, mermaid top, a billboard of my face on my left shoulder, a picture of a pristine bathtub on my right shoulder, and a refusal to respond to anything in conversation with anything other than, “Why did you do that do that do that do that to ME?”
Ally When She Sings “I’ll Never Love Again.”
Orange wig, blue gown, diamond earrings, piercing, passionate eyes, and a single tear permanently tattooed on my face.
Rez the Manager
Black wig, black shirt, black pants, tiny shoes, nearly invisible feminine socks, and an obnoxious and possibly fake British accent that lets you know I’m half manager, half evil snake.
Andrew Dice Clay as Ally’s Dad
Full suit, big heart, receding hairline, and a thick Staten Island accent that makes you say, “Holy SHIT, you’re Andrew Dice Clay.”
Andrew Dice Clay at the Audition to Play Ally’s Dad
Full suit, big heart, receding hairline, and a brickwall headshot from the 80s that makes you AND Bradley Cooper say, ” Holy SHIT, you’re Andrew Dice Clay.”
Dave Chappelle Randomly
Wifebeater, classy Kangol, billowing cigarette, totally peaceful disposition, and a commitment to standing in the corner randomly and saying unbelievably wise things to the drunkest people at the Halloween party.
Jackson Maine’s Hearing Aid
Giant ear costume coupled with gray shirt, gray pants, and clear wires wrapped around my entire body. Abstract, but on point.
Jackson Maine’s Dead Dad’s Ranch Turned Environmentally Friendly Windfarm
Unitard that is covered in half grass/cow pictures, and half covered in pictures of windmills. Open to total confusion at this one.
A Group of Drag Queens on Facetime
Custom made suit that looks like 7 drag queens face-timing their old bestie/famous pop star as she rises to fame.
A Drag Queen’s Breasts with Jackson Maine’s name written in Sharpie
You have to see this movie.
A Piece of Bacon off the Plate from when Ally and Jack First Eat Breakfast Together
Please go see this movie.
The Wire Jack Uses to Make Into a Ring to Propose to Ally
That’s right, I spoiled it. But still go see this movie.
All black. See this movie once.
All gray. See this movie twice.
All red. See this movie three times, like I have.
A Literal Star Being Born
Abstract, but again, PLEASE GO SEE THIS MOVIE.
A Person Holding Tickets to A Star is Born
Please come with me to see this movie.