Ranking Monsters By Thirstiness

monster illustration
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Dracula: Thirsty
My dude wants it for sure, but isn’t quite as thirsty as you might think. Bro’s immortal so he’s got nothing but time.
Wolf Boy: Moderate Thirst
Wolf boy gets it but he is still plenty thirsty. Classic fuck boy.
Mummy: Low-Key Thirsty
Major BDE and way down to bonk. On a quest to join the Sun God, Ra, but will take all the booty he can get along the way.
Hunchback of Notre Dame: Polite Thirsty
Ask him about bell ringing and see how thirsty he gets.
Old Testament Golem: Auto Thirsty
Proxy thirst is still thirst, y’all.
Cyclops: Mad Thirsty
Choosing the life of a hermit in a cave on an island is clearly overcompensating for a deep well of thirst.
Frankenstein: Super Thirsty
Quiet and intense with that “bang-me-under-a-waterfall” vibe. Kind of clingy, though, so be careful.
Kraken: Wildly Thirsty
Out there in the big blue just trying to shag any ship that comes its way.
Invisible Man: The Thirstiest
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

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