Updated Party Affiliations for Phone Bankers in 2018

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Hello, my name is ________, and I’m calling on behalf of the Democratic Party. I was wondering if you had a few minutes for me to ask about your party affiliation. Before you answer, please know that we’ve changed the options since our last election cycle. Before you hang up, please know that I am a human being with feelings.

What Is Your Party Affiliation?

  • Democrat.
  • Democrat and I have been for a very long time.
  • Democrat and I came out of the womb that way.
  • Democrat. I mean, look at my Twitter.
  • Slightly leaning Democrat, and then after leaning slightly there, I will lean all the way there.
  • I’ve gotten 6 people to register to #VoteBlue.
  • I’ve gotten 8 people to register to #VoteBlue, take that, Fred!
  • I literally bleed #VoteBlue-r registration (I am anemic).
  • Democrat. Look at my Twitter. I’ve acquired like 5,704,232 new followers in the last two weeks thanks to the #FollowBackResistance, which I am a part of, not for the followers but for the cause! And the followers.
  • Mozzarella. Oh, you asked what party? I’m a Democrat.
  • I can’t answer your phone call right now because I too am having my calls ignored for the good of the Democrats.
  • Honestly, I’m a little offended you haven’t looked at my Twitter yet. I have, like, a lot of followers, and I’ve tweeted some very incisive political thoughts. Not to brag, but I’m actually the one who invented shitting on Kavanaugh.
  • My politics are as far left as the North Pole (if you’re standing to the right of the North Pole).
  • Ask my therapist.
  • I’m angry.
  • I’m very angry.
  • I’m angry enough that I need to keep you on the phone for 18 minutes talking about it when you could be calling other voters.
  • I’m extremely angry – there’s a hole in my wall.
  • I’m so angry that my political party can only be expressed by the GIF of Will Ferrell in Kicking and Screaming saying “I’m like a tornado of anger swirling about!” Do you have an option for GIFs? If not, that’s just one more thing for me to be angry about!
  • I’m literally Bernie Sanders. And I thought I put my number on a Do Not Call list.
  • Fuck Squee!!
  • Undecided. I’m angry, but there’s not a hole in my wall yet, so I can’t give you a straight answer. I’m also not positive that I’m Bernie Sanders – it’s all up in the air. But yes, I will #VoteBlue on election day.
  • Independent, but only in that I’ve independently decided to become a Democrat.
  • Republican

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