Self-Affirmations for Writing and/or Masturbating

person writing on white book
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
  • Just try to finish.
  • It’s super unfulfilling now, but eventually, I hope to enjoy it.
  • This is way better than real human interaction.
  • It’s harder with my pants on, but not impossible!
  •     I need a pillow for back support.
  •     How do people do this on the subway?
  • I think I’d understand how to do this if my stomach weren’t full of cheese.
  • Try to devote twenty minutes to it every morning.
  • It’s hard to get my reps in now that commercial breaks are becoming extinct.
  • I’m best at it right after my period.
  • The only valid excuse to stop is carpal tunnel.
  • I started taking this seriously too late in life.
  • They should really teach this in school.
  • I’m self-critical enough that I don’t need someone else to tell me what I’m doing wrong.
  • I’ve had so many rejections, I do this for no one’s pleasure but my own.
  • These struggles will be great fodder for my memoir one day.
  • So this is the shape my Patronus takes!

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