How To Be Funny On A Date and Also Don’t Ever Do That

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Photo by J carter on

Hello! I’m back with some more hot hot tips for how to be a great comedy writer. If you’ve been following along and taking my advice, you’re already certifiably hilarious on the internet. You probably have men reaching out to you constantly asking you to marry them, or at the very least you have one dude who says you’re hot on all your tweets (not really the right social media platform for that, Billy), until you eventually block him and then desperately miss the only male attention you were getting. Anyway, if you’re a funny comedy writer, you’re definitely drowning in dick. Or dick pics. If you are also a woman. Actually, you don’t need to be a comedy writer, just a woman.

Anyway, you’ve done the writing, but now you need to nail the date. This is extremely stressful, because you’re not sure at all how being funny online will translate to being funny in person. Just follow my advice for how to also be funny in person, but remember the most important rule of all: trying to make jokes in person is annoying. Don’t ever do that! But if you have to, here’s how:

  • Tell a story of a time you hit your head because you were really involved in a slice of cake. This happened to me, and it’s gotten many IN PERSON laughs. I haven’t even put it on Twitter, so I don’t know if it’s truly funny, but I’ve brought down the barn telling it to my barn friends (the horses).
  • Giggle when anyone farts. Then admit that’s what you did. You’ll look like a hilarious 12-year-old. Someone doesn’t even have to fart, you can just pretend they did.
  • Also fart noises are really charming.
  • Let the man finish most of your food!! This will make him think you’re funny and ideally thin.
  • Bring up how you are funny in writing. That’s really the most important thing, anyway.
  • Laugh at his jokes! All funny women laugh at all men’s jokes.
  • If all else fails, just read your Tweets aloud. Let she who’s never succumbed to doing this on a date cast the first unfollow!

Thanks for taking my advice! Now you will be funny on a date, which is, as I’ve mentioned, the most annoying thing you can be.

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