Other Things Jeff Sessions Did On His Last Day In Office


Sure he passed a rule making it harder for the Justice Department to initiate overhauls at police departments accused of abuse, but little did you know that America’s littlest former Attorney General spent his last day at work doing all sorts of fun things!

Things Jeff Sessions Did On His Last Day In Office:

  • Gave his interns sawed-off shotguns and told them to go defend the border until he gets back.
  • Personally separated one last family, just for kicks.
  • Ordered wiretaps on several children who were getting dangerously close to finding his lucky charms.
  • Ordered a farewell cake from the least-tolerant cake shop in Washington, D.C.
  • Booby trapped his office in case Sally Yates gets back in there (you can never be too careful with those wily women).
  • Left the toilet seat up.
  • Revoked the 14th Amendment.
  • Launched a civil rights investigation into a hate crime against a transgender woman–– not because he cares, but because he likes to keep you guessing!
  • Finally recused himself from American governance.

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