Hahahahaaaaa! Look at my cute little pug dog, Dennis! He is so cute and snorty. Look! Look at him struggling to breathe. Oh, Dennis! You kill me. You are just such a character when you snort.
Tell Dennis he is cute.
Now. Or I’ll kill him.
Hahaha! I am just KIDDING. I would never kill Dennis. Absolutely not. I love this little piggy beast. He is so saddeningly awful to look at and that is rather charming, I think.
Here, watch me throw this ball. He’ll go after it like any normal dog, that’s not the fun part. Watch how he struggles to breathe when he brings it back! Snort, snort!
Oh no, don’t throw it again. He can only run once every four hours or else he definitely won’t be able to actually breathe and he will die.
Look at his little pushed in nose. Oh, Dennis. I love you. I could just squeeze you to death!
But I won’t. For decades we have bred your kind to be your own demise! Isn’t that kind of crazy???? We kind of did this to you! Do your little snorty thing again.
Quick, grab his little writhing body because it is starting to rain. Don’t let Dennis look into the rain because his flat, flat nose will pool with water and he will drown. Did you know I have to sponge bathe him, too?
Snort, snort. Oh, you love me too! I can tell by how only one of your bulging eyes looks at me. You are a miracle of design.
Here, help me put this fake septum piercing on Dennis. I want to draw attention to how cute his shallow and short inhales are.
Dennis, hold still. I swear all the other dogs fully capable of filling their lungs with air will find him so sexy when we go on a “walk” later. I will eventually end up having to carry Dennis because by human-design he struggles to exist on a very elementary level.
God, isn’t Dennis such a sexy little snort monster.
HahahahahahaA!!! Snort for Mommy!