Congratulations! Your office just got an espresso machine that can make lattes. Now the temptation to make puns with the word “latte” will be great. Have no fear though, a “latte” of people have been in this situation, including me. Use this helpful guide to avoid the pitfalls of using “latte” as a pun at the wrong time.
In all situations below, imagine yourself with a fresh latte in hand.
1. Never use the word “Latte” when commenting on someone’s physical appearance.
“Wow, Brad you look haggard, you must have had a ‘latte’ to drink last night, and I’m not talking about coffee! Ouch, burned my tongue.”
Natalie, that is a ‘latte’ of makeup on your face. You are so beautiful naturally, you don’t need to wear all that. Oop, spilled some of my drink on ya there.”
2. Never use the word “Latte” when called into HR.
“Look, a ‘latte’ of people out there have it in for me. I do more for this company that you know.”
3. Never use the word “Latte” in a parting work email sent to the whole office.
“I have had a ‘latte’ of time to think about the snakes and cowards that betrayed me. Mark my words, firing me was the worst mistake this company ever made.
4. Never use the Word “Latte” when describing how much milk you want in your Starbucks.
“Hey Jen, I’ll take a ‘latte’ of milk in that latte.”
That’s just annoying.
5. Never use the word “Latte” when describing to your girlfriend how much more free time you’ll have to pursue your memoir without a job holding you down.
“I’ve lived an interesting life and I’ve had a ‘latte’ of experiences people will want to read about.”
6. Never use the word “Latte” when describing to your friend how much more space there is in your apartment now that your girlfriend has moved out.
“Without her dresser here, there is a ‘latte’ of space for a yoga mat. Brittney was always trying to get me to do yoga with her. I miss her so much, man.”
7. Never use the word “Latte” when describing how much you have to live for.
“Don’t jump! You have a lot to live for!”
“You mean, a ‘latte’ to live for!”
8. Never use the word Latte to your intake psychiatrist when describing what’s been troubling you.
“ I just feel hopeless these days. My personal life is in shambles, climate change seems irreversible, and of course, Donald Trump. It’s all just a ‘latte’ to process.”
9. Never Use the word “Latte” to describe to your pharmacist how many pills you were prescribed for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
“I don’t know, but I think Dr. Goldman gave me a ‘latte.’”
10. Never use “Latte” as a pun ever again.
It’s going to be tough. Your new job just got an espresso machine.