The Greek Gods Ranked By Dateableness

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12) Zeus. Do not under any circumstances date Zeus. You’ll end up being turned into a cow or your bastard child will be tormented by Hera for their entire life.

11) Ares. Small dick energy in mythological God form.

10) Hephaestus. Not to judge anyone based on their appearance but he was so unattractive he was thrown off Olympus by his own mother.

9) Demeter. Will spend half the year whining about her daughter being in the Underworld it’s been thousands of years now please just get over it.

8) Hermes. He’d just be constantly pranking you, and/or stealing people’s cows and making you hide them and to be honest we all deserve better than that.

7) Poseidon. You live on land, he lives in the sea and long distance relationships rarely work out, it’s just not worth trying.

6) Hades. Being Queen of the Underworld would be cool I guess, but he’d be with another woman for half the year and it’s not like you could find someone else too, everyone around you would be dead.

5) Athena. Athena would be higher but she’s literally referred to as ‘Athena the Virgin’ and it’s not like you’ll just be waiting for marriage she’s an eternal virgin.

4) Artemis. Same as Athena but also has BDE.

3) Apollo. God of music so you know he’ll be able to serenade you, and he’s also God of plague and medicine so can kill all of your enemies.

2) Aphrodite. Who wouldn’t want to date the literal Goddess of Love, Beauty and Sexuality? She’s also married to Hephaestus and having an affair with Ares, so while she won’t be faithful you already know she has low standards so you’re probably okay.

1) Hera. Yeah I get that she’s scary but honestly I’m kinda into that.

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