Why I’m Qualified to Be White House Chief of Staff

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honestly I’m great in fancy buildings

I’m pretty offended by the Fake News Media suggesting that Trump can’t find ANYONE to be his Chief of Staff. He hasn’t even asked me, and I’ve been unemployed for almost two years. I’m also wildly offended by people telling me I’m “unqualified” to “work” in the “white” hou”se”. I’m extremely qualified to be White House Chief of Staff, and here’s why:

  • I’m white
  • I tweet a lot
  • I make typos and dont care
  • I know literally nothing about the law
  • I respect people’s need to sleep 12 hours/night
  • I’m very organized. For example, it’s been 6 weeks since I last lost my toothbrush
  • I’m white
  • I can probably attend meetings, I don’t really care
  • Not to brag but I have like some Twitter followers
  • I interned at Facebook, so I have experience in organizations everyone hates
  • I’ve babysat 8 children total and they’re all still alive
  • I text really fast
  • I’m already on anti-anxiety medications
  • I’m extremely white

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