Essential Wintertime Holidays To Excuse Your Lack of Productivity This Season

adult and cub tiger on snowfield near bare trees
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December 1: The Fuck, How Is It December Already? Day

December 2: …And Now It’s December SECOND?! I Need Time to Adjust to This New Reality Day

December 5: Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 2 is Out So Time to Binge the Whole Thing Day

December 6: Be Sad Mrs. Maisel is Over and Comfort Yourself with Spiked Hot Chocolate Day

December 7: Nurse Your Spiked Hot Chocolate Hangover Day

December 10: Shop for Snow Boots Before You Remember You Already Have a Dirty Old Pair Day

December 11: Return the Boots You Bought on December 10th Day

December 12: Bring Your Dirty Old Boots to the Dry Cleaners Day

December 15: DID YOU SIGN UP FOR HEALTH INSURANCE IT’S THE DEADLINE Day

December 17: In a Panic Remember You Left Your Boots at the Dry Cleaners 5 Days Ago Day

December 18: Walk Around the City All Day Wearing Your Clean, Fresh-Smelling Boots Day

December 19: Lie Down After All That Walking Yesterday Day

December 20: Secretly Order Gifts on Amazon Prime Even Though You Hit “Attending” On a “Boycott Amazon” Facebook Event Day

December 21: It’s the Winter Solstice…Doesn’t That Count For Anything? Day

December 22: Open Your Packages and Burn the Amazon Boxes They Came in So No One Will Ever Know Day

December 24: Pack All Your Laundry to Bring Home and Sit on a Delayed Amtrak Train Day

December 25: Obligatorily Go See Your Family Whether or Not You Celebrate Christmas But Everything is Closed Oh God We’re Going to Have to TALK to Each Other Day

December 26: Take an Ice Skating Lesson, Fall on Your Face and Chip Your Tooth Day

December 27: Begrudgingly Go to the Dentist for Your Chipped Tooth from Yesterday Day

December 28: Google How to Sue the Ice Skating Rink To Pay For Your Dentist’s Bill Because Even Though You Have Insurance You Definitely Still Can’t Afford This But Ice Ice Rink Baby’s Management Sure Can Day

December 31: It’s New Year’s Eve So Tell Everyone You See, “See You Next Year!” and Judge Everyone by How Much They Laugh (or Don’t Laugh) Day

*Also, Accomplish Everything You Can That You Meant to Do This Year But Utterly Failed To Day

**Also, Re-Watch Season 2 of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel to Hear All the Jokes They Said Too Fast to Notice the First Time Day (you can’t possibly be expected to WORK on such a vital national holiday)!

January 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, & 31: Wow, December Was PACKED With All Those Holidays…Time to Finally Take a Vacation and RELAX! Day

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