Text: Heyyyyy happy new year.

What I really mean: Do you still want to be my gal pal friend or are we kind of over? Please say yes and no respectively as I pine for you.

Text: Hey SO how was your new year´s?

What I really mean: I can´t stop thinking about you you´re everything to me please take me back, your face is tattooed to my frontal lobe.

Text: Your youtube channel is so funny! Happy new year.

What I really mean: I am extremely worried about my career, it consumes me day and night, all I can do is watch your hilarious youtube channel on cooking related life hacks while I cry.

Text: You are a star and I love your body! Happy new year!

What I really mean: Dear God, will I ever get over this bout of sushi-related food poisoning and just get to the gym! I cannot handle diarrhea this early in 2019. Body positivity is a lie oh boy I need a bidet.

Text: Do you wanna hang out later this week? 2019 woo!

What I really mean: Loneliness is powerful, one could call it…one thousand swords penetrating my body at once….please get a latte with me.

Text: Do  you wanna see a movie today? Happiest of new year´s!

What I really mean: I am outside your door!

Text: Do you like this song? *sends youtube link to Here Comes the Sun* Happy new year.

What I really mean: Please take me back I love you. I imagine our children I think they would be hot and smart and fans of the Mamas and the Papas. (non-pretentious kind)

Text: How is your job? Happy new year!

What I really mean: Are they hiring? I would definitely…sell crockpots door to door? I mean I am down and great with sales and I believe in slow-cookers.

Text: How is your apartment? happy new year!!!!

What I really mean: I am interested in moving in. I have a bag of clothes and a deposit ready.

Text: Happy new year! do you have any resolutions?

What I really mean: I think you should be more kind this year.

Text: Happy new year. How do you feel?

What I really mean: I personally just got on anti-depressants and I think this could my year.