Cheaper Alternative Materials for Building a Very Stable Border Wall

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Photo by Pixabay on
  • Used chewing gum

  • Couch forts

  • Legos

  • Funhouse mirrors

  • Bouncy castle drawbridges

  • Orange traffic cones

  • Red carpet

  • Cardboard cutouts of Danny DeVito

  • Those room-dividing IKEA bookcases

  • The two-foot high gates in your home that stop your cat and/or child from going upstairs

  • Those circular department store racks of clearance clothing kids like to hide in

  • Clothesline with miles of sheets hung up to dry

  • Wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube men

  • Boxes of VHS tapes millions of Americans now don’t know what to do with

  • Those big piles of dirty snow that get shoved to the side of the road after a snowstorm

  • The fiber reinforced polymer wrap Andrew Cuomo will use to successfully prevent the L Train shutdown with no problems at all

  • Printed pages of the US Constitution that will fly away in the wind, one by one, which definitely won’t symbolize the role “the wall” would play in our national identity if it ever came into a permanent form of existence, which is why I would never propose flimsy alternative materials designed to fall apart

  • Stacks of blank checks from Donald Trump’s totally-not-overdrawn personal account

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