Catcalls I Use on My Actual Cat Who Hates Me


selective focus photo of brown tabby cat on cushion
Photo by Luan Oosthuizen on

Smile, please.

You look so sad.

Please come over here?

Come here right now.

Hey there, do you like me?

Hey, do you want to hang out?

Hey, omg THERE you are cutie!

Hadn’t seen you in so long, thought you might be dead, but you look great!

Hey, do you actually live in this apartment? I definitely feel like I see you around sometimes.

Hey, are you a boy or girl?

I don’t mean to be rude, but sometimes I just don’t know.

Hey, do you wanna play with some string?

Hey kitty kitty, do you want to take a nap on my chest?

Hey there cutie yummy yum yummykins, want me to pet you while you lick me?!

Please lick me just a little!

Come on, just smile, dammit.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing? Come in to the living room, please?

You look so cute!

I just want to hug and kiss you you cutie you!

Why do you never smile?

Do you hate me?

Why do you hate me?

I love you sweetheart.

I wanna marry you my kitty baby.

I need you right now!

You smell so good.

You smell okay.

You smell sorta bad.

Hey, do you wanna get high?

Let’s get high together.

Okay, we are high.

Why do you keep staring at me?

I was NOT staring first.

Okay, maybe I was, but it was only because you’re so beautiful.

You look sad again.

Smile, please.




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