Earlier this week, a local Gowanus woman shook the nation with a simple but heroic act of bringing her own tote bag at a local grocery store, instantaneously resulting in a dramatic slow of rising temperatures due to climate change.
“Quite frankly, I was shocked,” said Greg, a cashier at the Ideal Food Basket. “It’s just habit at this point for me to grab not one, but two plastic bags — preferably per every two or three items. When Ms. Taylor politely declined and used her own, I felt more hopeful about our grim environmental threats that I have in ages.”
Climate experts have confirmed that using this non-plastic bag to carry her bounty of varied coconut oils has already shown to reverse levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide.
“We had just about tried everything from maximizing solar and wind energy to lobbying to cut fuel emissions…until Erika Taylor and her New York Times tote came around, we had lost all hope,” explained a senior researcher at the EPA. “For Christ’s sake, Rick over here just built his new house on an acre of buoys!” Sources close to Rick later confirmed this statement.
Meanwhile, Ms. Taylor brushed off any praise, citing her deed as a civic duty.
“I’m no saint. I’m a normal person out here trying to do my best,” Ms. Taylor stated. “I just think it would be great if other people would be more considerate before reaching for that plastic bag too, you know? We all have to do our part,” she continued.
So what’s next for this promising young activist?
“I just bought a one-gallon compost bin on Amazon, so let’s just say some big changes are coming our way,” she said with excitement. “You’re welcome, planet earth.”