1000 friends- middle aged men from Nebraska

900 friends- accounts that only post screenshots of the Grim Reaper

500 friends- accounts that only post screenshots of tattooed women with unmanageably giant breasts

100 friends- bearded motorcyclists from Paramus, New Jersey

50 friends- accounts that only post stills from American Psycho

30 friends- European dentists

30 friends- male comics who you’ve never met but are down to collaborate

20 friends- uncles who you thought were dead

20 friends- dudes you jerked off in 2012

50 friends- self proclaimed leaders of the alt right

50 friends- sociopaths you met at UCB

50 friends- frat bros from college who’ve been arrested for possession but think it’s cool you do comedy

50 friends- massage therapists from Russia

50 friends- crew from an unpaid Webseries you did  in 2014 about being a struggling actor in NYC

50 friends- all of your mother’s coworkers

20 friends- dudes you met on tinder who saw you do comedy one time and then ghosted you

10 friends- women you met on tinder who saw you do comedy one time and then ghosted you

10 friends- comedians you respect

10 friends- friends who you trust and love