Watch out, all you dad bods out there! There’s a new body craze in town: Grandfather Back.
Let’s face it — while we all want to bag a cutie, we don’t want a guy who is going to make us feel self-conscious in our own bodies. But a guy whose physical vibe says ‘I’m a man who doesn’t take my health too seriously, and I’ll give you five dollars for Christmas”? Count us in!
We even asked some ladies what’s driving them so crazy about this wrinkly new fad. Here’s what they said.
Lessens Your Looming Fear of Death
“I don’t love being with a super fit guy if I want to eventually end up with him. How am I going to know what he’ll look like when we’re older? There are no surprises with a guy who has a Grandfather Back. I love having a front row seat to what some would consider to be basically a rotting corpse.”
It Makes you Less Self-Conscious About Your Weird Mole
“I mean, what’s that one mole on my butt compared to a plethora of liver spots?”
It’s a Money Saver.
“This sounds pragmatic, but it cuts down on my heating bills. Sometimes I use his skin flaps as an extra comforter in bed!”
You Can Get Your “Florence Nightingale On”
“His complexion requires a lot of maintenance, which is perfect for some steamy nurse-patient role play. Last week we doubled Vicks Vapor Rub as lube!”
More Time to Focus on his Tepid Personality
When I’m with a guy with intimidating washboard abs, it sometimes gets in the way of letting me get to know the real him. But when I’m with a bae who’s sporting a super saggy back pooch, I can through to see his deeper side. For example, I never would have known that he really likes Twin Peaks.”
Farewell, Chris Hemsworth look-alikes. We’re ditching the traditional bros for a man whose body emanates a crystal clear message: “I’m comfortable with looking exactly how I was meant to, and maybe even a little bit worse.” And hey, beautiful, talented women aren’t the only ones who benefit! This is just another thing that will give men even more unbridled confidence when pursuing a total hottie.