The Risks of CBD Oil No One is Talking About

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You’re obsessed with CBD oil – it’s gotten you off almost half your anti-anxiety medications. And what’s not to love? But be careful – CBD oil does come with a few risks you need to be aware of.

  • CBD oil will make you so relaxed that you stop sweating through your clothes. Your laundromat, which depends on your business, will go broke without you dry-cleaning your work clothes every day.
  • CBD oil will help you sleep. However, you’ll sleep so well that you snooze right through your alarm, miss work, and get fired.
  • CBD oil will bring your ex-boyfriend back to you. He will realize he loved you all along. However, he will die young (from lack of CBD-oil) and cause you much greater pain than joy. It’s something to keep in mind.
  • CBD will increase your salary 200% (it’ll actually just negotiate the raise for you — don’t worry about it). However, with your higher salary, you’ll be in a higher tax bracket.
  • CBD oil will bring you coffee every morning. Unfortunately, this will create a toxic caffeine dependence. The only solution will be to switch to CBD.
  • CBD oil will fix your broken shower curtain. Sadly, the repairman you normally would have hired will be completely replaced by CBD oil, and he’ll be unable to find another job. Ever. Because he re-trained as an accountant, but now CBD oil does taxes too.
  • CBD oil might bring you so much joy that you abandon your children because you no longer need them as the source of joy in your life. They’ll be ok, though – they’ll have CBD to read them bedtime stories.
  • CBD oil will get your parents back together. Unfortunately, your dad was dead, so now your mom is married to a dead man. That’s awkward.
  • CBD oil could fix LA’s traffic problem. But you liked being stuck in traffic. Now you’re so behind on podcasts.
  • CBD oil will provide universal healthcare, but there goes your excuse for not getting that mole checked out.
  • CBD oil will chill Democrats out so much that they forget to run a candidate in the 2020 presidential election. Whoops!
  • CBD oil will stop global warming, but what about all those beaches we love?
  • CBD oil will make you live forever, which is way longer than you ever wanted to.
  • CBD oil could kill you. It’s really not studied.

Note: the risk of CBD oil may only be psychosomatic. Same goes for the benefits.


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