From beauty to sex, Cosmo has long been a fan of rubbing food all over your body. But one of the little-known risks of these methods is cannibalism.

That’s right. It’s recently been revealed that famed cannibal Hannibal Lecter used to sneak into Cosmo’s offices and plant messages in an effort to make girls more tasty. To raise awareness of these dangers and to help young women everywhere distinguish between friendly men and people who want to eat them, we’ve put together a short list of some of Lecter’s tips that will make you go, “How did we miss this?”

1. Apply a generous coating of olive oil to keep your hair shiny and smooth. Drizzle with vinaigrette for extra luster. Add cherry tomatoes to taste.

2. Place cucumber slices on your eyes every night before going to bed. This fun move will help keep your skin soft and supple! Their crunchy mouth feel provides a nice contrast to squishy vitreous fluid.

3. Wash your face with apple cider vinegar every morning. This will cleanse your pores and take days off your age. It smells great, too! Your boyfriend will literally want to eat your face.

4. After exercise, whack your thighs gently with a meat tenderizer. It’s important to stay in shape, but you don’t want to get too stringy.

5. Bathe in oatmeal. This grain has soothing properties that can calm itchy, inflamed skin.

6. Rub your arms with a sugar scrub. This will slough off any dead cells and keep your skin feeling scrumptious.

7. Soak your cuticles in a jar of honey. Honey is packed with great nutrients and antioxidants that will revive your fingernails and add a tang when I am eating you.

8. Moisturize your feet with avocado. This amino acid-rich mask will reduce wrinkles and pairs well with salsa.