The 7 Bridesmaids You’ll Definitely Have at Your Wedding

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The MOH

She’s your sister or your best friend. If you’re lucky, there’ll be no drama here unless you have to pick between two best friends, in which case…
 

The One Who Wanted To Be Your MOH

She’s, like, so beyond crushed that you didn’t choose her. She now has a personal vendetta against the MOH and will make it her job for the next 11 months to prove to you that you made the wrong choice. She will go above and beyond for you and probably make an impromptu speech at your bridal shower about that time in Costa Rica when she held your hair back as you puked. Expect a super-expensive, guilt-inducing gift from her that will be the cherry on top of her plight to prove her MOH worthiness. You will hear, “Aw, Katie forgot a sash for you? Don’t worry, I brought a backup” at least once during the bachelorette.
 

The Weird Cousin Your Mom Forced You To Make A Bridesmaid

Aww, cousin Kerry. You guys were close when you were 5 before you realized she was a bit…off. She’s had to explain her obsession with geocaching to you ten times. She thinks it’s endearing even though it’s literally the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard of but you’re just glad she’s found a hobby! She texted you asking if it was okay to wear flats with her bridesmaid dress and you begrudgingly typed back, “Sure! As long as they’re not Tevas lol!” Those 3 text dots popped up and then disappeared. Did she seriously want to wear Tevas to your fucking wedding?

The Lazy One

She will do the bare minimum as a bridesmaid, which will basically just make her a wedding guest that matches the decor. She can’t come to your bach but she’s sooo sorry, work is just so crazy right now! She will chip in for a shower gift with someone else because she can’t even be bothered to look at your registry. Why did you make her a bridesmaid again? *Sigh* because you couldn’t have all of your other college friends without including her, it would be too obvious. You’re lucky if she remembers your groom’s name but bet your ass she will insist on getting a plus one (despite not having a date yet).

The Annoyingly Frugal One

“Hey guys, I know everyone wants to do that party boat on Saturday but I found this super cool walking tour of (insert city) that’s only ten bucks on Groupon! Sounds pretty cool!”
“Are we sure (insert hotel) is the best choice? I found a really cute Airbnb that’s only 15 miles outside of (insert city)!!!” 
“Since the dress was a little pricier than I expected, I’m going to have to wear my black heels instead of buying new beige ones. I hope (bride’s name) doesn’t mind.”
Does any of this sound familiar? She will make a valiant effort to make your bachelorette party cost under $100 even though everything has already been planned out by the MOH. We get it, you were already in 2 other weddings this year, but so were we, babe.

The One Who Gets Alcohol Poisoning At Your Bachelorette

How does Ashley always manage to make everything about her, even at your damn bachelorette party?! She was the one who always got lost on a night out in college. You’d find her at Taco Bell at 3am without her shoes on, walking in the drive-thru line demanding service. She’s super pretty but her ugly-cry face is meme-worthy. You’ve spent some of your best nights bribing her with coke that you didn’t have just to get her into an Uber home. Smashley pregamed a little too hard (again) and is now puking her guts out into a pink cowboy hat on the streets of Austin, Texas. Ugh! As the matching t-shirts clearly stated, this was supposed to be YOUR last ride before you’re a bride!!!

The One Who Wants You To Know She’s Done This Before

This insufferable know-it-all makes the same joke several times, “That movie ‘27 Dresses’ was about me!” Sure it was, sweetie. Bonus points if she’s single because then you get to hear her other joke about always being the bridesmaid, never the bride. Incredible stand up material. She will be sure to remind you that she’s been an MOH 3 times and a bridesmaid 18, so she is ready to handle a-ny-thing. Bach itineraries? She has one for every major U.S. city so just let her know if you need help planning!!! She will insist on stuffing tissues in everyone’s bra 5 minutes before the ceremony because, “Trust me, you’re gonna need ‘em, ladies!”

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