I recently read one article about sociopaths, so you’re talking to an expert. Sociopaths are all around us. They are creepy. They are charming. They are destructive. They are hungry for pity. They are conscience-free. They are incapable of love. Worst of all, they are hard to detect. Unless you are with me, an expert who has read one article on them. Before I read this single, fairly brief article on sociopaths, I was a fool, incapable of recognizing a sociopath, even when they stared me straight in the face. Now that I am armed with three paragraphs of information, I can spot a sociopath a mile away. Here is a list of people in my life who I am CONVINCED are sociopaths.
The guy who made me my deli sandwich last Tuesday-
When I asked for mustard, mayo, vinegar, oil, and hot sauce, he got everything right…except for the hot sauce. When I aggressively complained to him, he didn’t even say sorry. He just stared at me with me with this empty, icy glare. It was almost like he…didn’t care at all. No remorse. How could I have been so stupid? My sandwich was made by a stone cold sociopath. I will never set foot in that deli again.
A waiter who was nice to me-
I went to a restaurant the other day and my waiter was really nice. He was cute, smiley, and complimented me on my shirt. I thought he liked me, so I gave him a huge tip. Then, I noticed that he was being nice to all of his customers. I felt betrayed. He didn’t like me. He just wanted my money. How could I have fallen for his charm, his cunning charisma? I’m never tipping a waiter again as long as I live.
When I first got my cat Stacey from the pet store, she seemed so loving. She licked my hand, meowed, and nuzzled up against me. When I took her home, something changed. She hardly acknowledged me. I’d call her name and she wouldn’t answer. I bought her cat toys and she didn’t seem to care. The only time she’d come out was when I fed her. As she was eating, I tried to give her kisses and pet her, but she just stared at me like I was a stranger. That’s when I realized, Stacey didn’t love me. Those licks, meows, and nuzzles were just a ploy…for a place to stay. Stacey was using me. She wasn’t a cat. She was a sociopath. How could I have missed it?
At first, I really liked my therapist. I cried in every session and he never judged me. After months and months, I started to see him as less of a therapist, and more of a friend. And then it occurred to me, that throughout our relationship, I had only ever talked about me. He’d never once opened up about him. That wasn’t how friends were supposed to be. I said to him, “Enough about me. Would you like to spend time together outside of therapy, as friends, so I can get to know you?” He responded and said, “Unfortunately, that would be extremely inappropriate. Plus, this session is over. I have another client waiting. Do you have your payment?” I was shocked. Another CLIENT? Did I have my PAYMENT? He’d made it clear. I meant nothing to him. I was just a client. I was just a paycheck. I wasn’t a person. He wasn’t a friend. He was what I know now to be, a cold-blooded, out to get me, SOCIOPATH. I do not need therapy.
Every ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had-
When I look at the facts, every ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had seems to have moved on from me, while I, on the other hand, haven’t moved on from any of them. Their emotional detachment leads me to believe that they never loved me in the first place, are all incapable of love, and thus, yep, you guessed it, sociopaths. How could I have fallen in love with so many sociopaths, over and over, and not realized it? Knowing what I know now, I know I shouldn’t blame myself. But damn, I’m a sociopath fly strip!
Yes, according to this article, I too, am a sociopath. I didn’t realize it at first, because, people never realize that sociopaths are sociopaths in the beginning, even when it’s you. But now I know that since I haven’t detected myself as a sociopath for so long, that I must be one, as the most evil sociopaths are the ones you don’t realize are sociopaths. Damn, I’m good. Oh, and another thing. I LOVE when people feel bad for me. That deli guy, waiter, my cat, my therapist, and all of my ex boyfriends were really mean to me. They couldn’t help it…they’re sociopaths. But still, you should feel bad for me, even though I too, am a sociopath. It sucks, but I am incapable of changing.
Yes, if you’re reading this, you are most definitely a sociopath. Most sociopaths parade around doing seemingly normal things, like reading. I’m not stupid. I’ve READ an article. You can’t fool me. I know you’re not NORMAL. You’re a sociopath!