I love body positivity! As a man, I think women should 100% learn to love and accept their bodies, especially since I’m tired of dealing with their insecurities. There’s no reason you have to be a size 4 to get laid — I’m willing to go all the way up to a 10, and I have ugly friends who would go even higher. Thankfully, through the body positivity movement, we’ve decided that you can still be bangable at a variety of sizes. For this reason, and as a proud feminist, I’m now going to exclusively criticize women for being too skinny. #BodyPosFTW.
Curves are in! Thiccer is better! And as a body positive man, I believe angles are disgusting and women should avoid them at all costs. It’s not that I’m shallow, it’s that I’m concerned for their health. I mean, when the water levels rise, will these women even be able to float? Health matters, and it’s my business. I don’t mean to shock you, but I actually think Jennifer Lawrence might be more attractive than Keira Knightley, despite her unconventional body. Because I’m a feminist. And I think it’s gross when women are too skinny. #NoMoreBeautyStandards
All women internalize negative messages from the media unless I personally debunk them. For example, do you see that woman over there? The skinny one eating a salad? She clearly saw an ad for tampons and decided to hate her body! I’m going to walk right up to her and let her know what I think! I think she agreed with me, too, because she abandoned her salad immediately when she threw it in my face. I hope she gets a slice of pizza, or six! (just kidding – six is way too many). #curves
Women need to make peace with their imperfections! For example, a lot of women don’t make as much money as their male coworkers, and this is something they should just learn to accept about themselves. They shouldn’t beat themselves up for only earning 77 cents on the dollar. Even if it is their fault, they’re ok the way they are. Similarly, women whose bodies might be considered conventionally gross should still feel fine about having sex with me, as long as they’re not so gross that I can’t get it up. But I’m not the kind of asshole who tells women it’s their fault that I’m not hard — I just wait until they suggest it themselves and then don’t correct them. Anyway, the only women who should NOT make peace with their imperfections are skinny bitches who clearly care way too much what everyone thinks. Eat a fucking hamburger!!! #MoreToLove
I’m so grateful that the body positivity movement supports my messaging. I read on Twitter about how body-shaming is the patriarchy’s fault, and I could not agree more. The patriarchy tells women they have to be skinny to be loved. This is so messed up and inaccurate. I would never love a skinny woman. Because I’m not one of those guys. I’m one of these guys. #OneOfTheGoodGuys
I’ve gotten a lot of pushback for my beliefs. People always say insane things to me like, “maybe that’s her natural body type,” or “her body is none of your business,” or “she’s just in the hot part of puberty” or “that’s a literal Barbie doll.” But you know what? I’m a body positive male. There aren’t a lot of us out there. Save the whales, you know? Haters gonna hate, but I’m here to embrace the body positivity movement, by telling off one skinny bitch at a time. #ThisIsWhatAMaleFeministLooksLike
Please note, this only applies to skinny women who have refused to have sex with me. #PleaseReconsider