How to Kill It as a Fashion Blogger


woman standing against wall wearing yellow turtleneck sweater
Photo by bruce mars on
  1. Pay someone to increase your followers

You’re not chic enough yet to get them on your own. It’ll be worth the investment once your blog finally breaks 200 hits per day.

  1. Befriend other fashion bloggers

Working from home can be pretty isolating and it’s important to make connections in the biz.  Try not to take it too personally that they all have more followers than you do. They’ll all be sorry they didn’t support your blog one day!

  1. Spend thousands of dollars on outfits that you would never actually wear on a daily basis

The stares you’ve been getting are just because everyone is jealous of your fashion risks. Note: Don’t even worry about what’s happening to your credit. The cool thing about the blogging industry is that credit scores are made up and the points don’t matter. Plus, there are always ways to make your accountant disappear.

  1. Gut and renovate your entire house

Give the people what they want! They want Joanna Gaines with a mid-century modern flair and quirky color choices. They never wanted you and your Anthropologie knife collection, but you’ll show them all!

  1. Make hours and hours of YouTube videos reviewing beauty products

Your 204 followers don’t need to know that you have no idea what you’re talking about. The important thing is that you go into crippling debt to achieve Sephora VIB Rouge status. Hello $50 blood-red lipstick!

  1. Find a boyfriend who has a trust fund and knows how to use a camera

Stay away from any guy who appears to have narcissistic tendencies. Also important to note that it’s ok if he’s an ugly douche. His face will be covered up by a camera most of the time and you’ll rarely interact other than for sponsored posts.

  1. Plan the PERFECT proposal and wedding

It’s your special day and your followers are living vicariously through your extravagant nuptials. Do you NEED butterflies released with your new monogram embroidered on their wings? No. Will it make every single one of your 231 followers jealous? Yes.

  1. Go on a 6-month-long honeymoon to a remote island

Remote is key. You can’t have any plebs ruining your selfies.  If anyone DOES ruin your honeymoon, they can always be “taken care of.”

  1. Get Pregnant

Post daily updates of highly personal details of your pregnancy. There is no such thing as too much information. Post several times with a round-up of every baby gadget that no one needs. All 229 of your fans are depending on you to tell them which baby wig to buy. (Have you seen bald babies? Ew.)

  1. Hire a videographer to capture your baby’s birth

Extra points if your videographer is Wes Anderson. Make sure to plan ahead and decorate your hospital room with a zany color scheme. Threaten to torture Wes Anderson’s entire family unless he convinces Bill Murray to be your doula.

  1. Exploit your baby and all future children

Pose them mid-ice-cream-cone-lick until they dissolve into a pile of tears in the middle of the sidewalk. Document all of their behavioral issues in a lengthy blog post. Who knows if they’ll appreciate that every intimate detail of their young lives have been shared for the entire internet to see. This is a FAMILY business and you owe it to your followers.

  1. Murder all of your fashion blogger friends

OMG you’re officially the best fashion blogger out there!

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