Own Finger for Fun
Good Friend Cynthia’s Finger for Experimental Fun
Three of Cynthia’s Fingers for Seriously Orgasmic Questioning My Orientation Fun
Man’s Large Penis for a To Be Expected Painful Evening
Man’s Average Penis for a Surprisingly Satisfying Morning
Man’s Smaller Penis for an Actual Pretty Decent Charity Event
Nuva Ring for Protection From Having Baby With My Sociopath Fuck Buddy Brad
IUD for Protection From Having Baby With Super Off Potentially Emotionally Stunted Guy I Met in Deli the Other Week and Fucked
Condom for Protection From Having Baby With Alcoholic Ex Boyfriend Who I’ve Broken Up With 9 Times But Still Lovingly Bang
Clit Vibrator for Lonely Friday Night
Average Sized-Dildo for Full Weekend With No Plans
Giant Veiny Dildo for Week-Long Depressive Episode
Vampirey Garlic Clove for Smelly Yeast
Chobani Greek Yogurt for Persistent, Even Smellier Yeast
Monistat Liquidy Thing for Truly Diabolical, Seemingly Unstoppable, Aliens Have Invaded My Body Yeast
Regular Size Green Tampon for Teensy Amount of Period Blood Coming Out During My Work Presentation
Super Plus Orange Tampon for Heavy Blood Flow Akin to the Amount on an American Civil War Battlefield Coming Out During My Friend’s Pool Party
Piece of Thick Towel I Ripped Apart in a Rage for Hemophilia Level of Blood Flow Coming Out During My Own Wedding
Rose Quartz Crystal for Good Luck During Class Improv Show
Blue Opal Crystal for Extra Extra Good Luck During Sex With Guy From Improv Class Right After Class Improv Show
Topaz Crystal for Strength to Sign Up for Improv Level 2 Class Knowing Improv Guy I Had Sex With Will Also Be in Same Improv Level 2 Class
Hot Wet Cloth for Relaxation of the Vagina
Hotter Wetter Cloth for Healing the Stress and Damage Done to My Vagina
Scalding Hot Soaking Wet Cloth for Reflective Period to Think of All the Stressful, Damaging Things That Have Been Up My Vagina
Own Finger Again