Own Finger for Fun

Good Friend Cynthia’s Finger for Experimental Fun

Three of Cynthia’s Fingers for Seriously Orgasmic Questioning My Orientation Fun

Man’s Large Penis for a To Be Expected Painful Evening

Man’s Average Penis for a Surprisingly Satisfying Morning

Man’s Smaller Penis for an Actual Pretty Decent Charity Event

Nuva Ring for Protection From Having Baby With My Sociopath Fuck Buddy Brad

IUD for Protection From Having Baby With Super Off Potentially Emotionally Stunted Guy I Met in Deli the Other Week and Fucked

Condom for Protection From Having Baby With Alcoholic Ex Boyfriend Who I’ve Broken Up With 9 Times But Still Lovingly Bang

Clit Vibrator for Lonely Friday Night

Average Sized-Dildo for Full Weekend With No Plans

Giant Veiny Dildo for Week-Long Depressive Episode

Vampirey Garlic Clove for Smelly Yeast

Chobani Greek Yogurt for Persistent, Even Smellier Yeast

Monistat Liquidy Thing for Truly Diabolical, Seemingly Unstoppable, Aliens Have Invaded My Body Yeast

Regular Size Green Tampon for Teensy Amount of Period Blood Coming Out During My Work Presentation

Super Plus Orange Tampon for Heavy Blood Flow Akin to the Amount on an American Civil War Battlefield Coming Out During My Friend’s Pool Party

Piece of Thick Towel I Ripped Apart in a Rage for Hemophilia Level of Blood Flow Coming Out During My Own Wedding

Rose Quartz Crystal for Good Luck During Class Improv Show

Blue Opal Crystal for Extra Extra Good Luck During Sex With Guy From Improv Class Right After Class Improv Show

Topaz Crystal for Strength to Sign Up for Improv Level 2 Class Knowing Improv Guy I Had Sex With Will Also Be in Same Improv Level 2 Class

Hot Wet Cloth for Relaxation of the Vagina

Hotter Wetter Cloth for Healing the Stress and Damage Done to My Vagina

Scalding Hot Soaking Wet Cloth for Reflective Period to Think of All the Stressful, Damaging Things That Have Been Up My Vagina

Own Finger Again