Written by Ginny Hogan and Eva Hill
Illustrated by Eva Hill
- Mansplaining: Why don’t you take a 40-day break from telling me that 40 days isn’t actually “scientifically-proven” to be long enough to break a habit?
- Socks on during sex: I don’t care if you have intimacy issues – your socks smell. Oh wait, now that you have them off, I’m realizing…that’s not what smelled.
- Unsolicited dick pics. I don’t want to name any names. But his name was Dave. Also, the name Dave – give it up.
- Most of their opinions: Talking to you is like spoken-word Twitter (in a bad way). Do not tell me how to make my joke funnier– you are not funnier than me, or you’d have your own Twitter followers! Also, it’s unfair when you correct my grammar, mostly because if I started correcting your grammar I’d have literally no free time left.
- Shaming me for taking a reasonable amount of time to get ready. Actually, shaming me for anything. Actually, shaming any woman for anything: I’m sorry I care about the way I look, but I’m more sorry that you don’t.
- Speaking over women: Our voices make an unpleasant cacophony that I could do without for 40 days and/or the rest of my life. If it’s challenging to figure out when you’re speaking over a woman, you can just not speak.
- Guns: I get that you need a toy or a hobby, but there are a lot of things you can do with your hands that you’re currently not doing well at all.
- Sexual harassment: You don’t have to give this up forever — just until Planet Earth explodes. Also, if you want to give up littering and voting for Republicans, we might get a few years tacked onto that…
- The Presidency: For the love of Oprah, give it up!!