Thanks to J.K. Rowling we now know that everyone in the wizarding world was secretly into some serious kink!
Most recently the internet went into a tizzy when the beloved children’s author announced that Professor Dumbledore had an intense sexual relationship with that catty knockoff Dumbledore from the weird movies with Eddie Redmayne. But did you know that Rowling isn’t the first author to reveal her characters’ long-repressed homosexual desires?
- The bears in Goldilocks and the Three Bears were actually a polyamorous group of large hairy gay men (and one otter).
- In Alice in Wonderland both Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum once had an intense sexual relationship with the Cheshire Cat.
- Where the Wild Things Are is actually just a brochure for Fire Island.
- Every single character in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe was inside that wardrobe because they were gay, duh.
- Throughout the entire Hunger Games series, hunky tribute Peeta Mellark carried out a secret sexual relationship with Stanley Tucci’s blue wig.
- All the lost boys in Peter Pan actually entered puberty early due to elevated levels of hormones in the mermaid meat, so suffice to say they did some pretty freaky stuff with Tinkerbell.
- In Goodnight Moon the bear and moon share both an elaborate bedtime ritual and herpes.
- Moby Dick isn’t named after a whale after all.
- All the characters in the Animorphs series totally boned when they were in their animal form (and yes, it was very gay).
- If you give a mouse a cookie… he will almost certainly use it for upper body support while being utterly dominated by a sexy man-mouse.
- Beloved children’s book The Giver is actually about the joys of pleasuring your partner.
- Even though you remember growing up reading the “Berenstein” Bears it’s actually been Berenstain Bears this whole time (oh and they’re gay).
- Holes by Louis Sachar was almost titled Taints for reasons that should really be obvious by now.
- In YA-novel-turned-Netflix-series13 Reasons Why reason #7 ate out reason #9.
- Long before 50 Shades of Grey hit the scene there was another book in which the main characters experimented with bondage and subservience. It’s called Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret and it’s so gay Mike Pence isn’t allowed to read it alone.