Normal Yoga Instructor Phrases or Propositions for Sex?

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  • Now, everybody get into downward facing dog. If you could try to look like Dan up front, that would be great. You look great Dan.
  • Warrior one, Warrior two, reverse cowgirl. I mean warrior.
  • Sometimes, I wish we could do triangle naked, but alas, it’s illegal. Breathe out.
  • Breathe in. Think about your body. Breathe out. Think about our bodies. Let all your air out. Think about about our bodies together, fucking. Exhale.
  • As you’re in tree pose I want you to think about the fact that you made it here, from your apartments. Where does everyone live? Inhale.
  • If you are hot, or even if you are not, feel free to take your shirts off. Exhale.
  • I want you to think about the trees, the grass, the sky, the earth, the wind, and the fact that I live around the corner. Breathe.
  • Spread your legs wide in happy baby and try to make eye contact with me. Keep breathing.
  • Think about loving yourself during this eagle posture. Loving your body. Loving me. Falling in love with me. As we are fucking. Breathe out.
  • While you’re in cobra, let go of the the idea that you need to be perfect, let go of the idea that you need to be fit, let go of the idea that you need to know a person to fuck them. Breathe in.
  • Inhale…my scent. Exhale…my name.
  • As you sit in chair pose, pretend you’re sitting on a chair, on a throne, on my face. Breathe out.
  • In mountain, I want your spine erect, like I am right now. Breathe everybody.
  • Time for Savasana. Who needs someone to cuddle them? Nobody? Come on. Breathe everybody.
  • Class is over. We will now end class with a collective breath, the ringing of the tibetan singing bowl, and the reading of my phone number out loud.

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