George R.R. Martin Tries To Make The Climate Change Metaphor In ‘Game Of Thrones’ More Explicit

by Charlie Dektar


The door to the Karhold keep busted open and a terrible frost wind howled in. A cry of fear rose up from villagers and Karstark knights alike, and then dissipated into silence like so many snowflakes into water.

Out of that silence came the clicking, clattering bones of an army of a hundred hundred thousand undead wights streaming into the keep.

Maester Wolbock turned to his friend Emmersen Karstark and said, in solemn tones, “If only we had prepared for this threat earlier, it all could have gone different.”

“Absolutely,” said Emmersen as ice zombies started to kill him and rip him up. “There were actionable early warnings…”

“I take solace in the thought that someone might learn from our example,” Wolbock said as the ice zombies turned and started to kill and rip him up.

In a warm, fire-lit bedchamber deep in Winterfell, Jon Snow and Daenerys Stormborn passionately kissed. But while they were caught up in their romance they were missing the big picture: nature was rebelling against mankind.

The bloated jewel merchant Jorgan Boggs threw an overflowing bag of gold onto the table. “While everyone else is seeing white,” he said to the other wealthy merchants gathered in their dimly lit underground hideout, “we’ll be seeing: gold!”

Boggs began to laugh and all the other bloated merchants joined in. “Ha ha ha ha ha,” they said, laughing because they had short term profits to make at the expense of society.

“Our big mistake was our failure to act collectively,” Jaime Lannister said, taking a long sip of wine.

High in the Eyrie the angry shouting of men echoed.

“You pompous fool you will bring ruin to the Eyrie!” shouted Harrold Hardyng

“How dare you speak to me like that!” shouted back Nestor Royce, red in the face.

But while they were caught up in their bickering, they were missing the big picture: nature was rebelling against mankind.

Tucker Lannister, the royal herald, sneered at Samwell Tarly as he stood before the high court.

“Today it was hot enough in King’s Landing to strip paint from the walls. And yet you stand here and tell us that there is an army of ice coming to kill us all?” Lannister said with a chortle.

“Just because it was hot today doesn’t mean this natural threat is not going to make things very cold tomorrow.” said Sam, opening up his leather bound travel case and pulling out a couple of slides.

“Take figure 1a here, which shows how temperatures near The Wall have dropped far below their average for this time of winter.” Sam’s voice grew in confidence as he presented his figures. “Furthermore, figure 2c here shows us such anomalous readings have only come in times of a global White Walker threat.”

Tucker Lannister fell silent, Sam’s climate science calculations were undeniable.

As humanity formed one last formation against the wight onslaught, Jon Snow looked around despairingly. But just as all seemed lost, the sun burst through the clouds and all the White Walkers started sizzling and crumbling.

“It was the sun all along!” Snow cried out. “It turns out we just needed to use the power of the sun!” He lifted his sword high and yelled a piercing rallying cry to the last of humanity, “The sun is the perfect solution because it is everywhere and emits a tremendous amount of energy!”

All of his men threw up their arms and cheered, because they knew Jon Snow was absolutely right about the sun.

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