Woman Truly Stressed Out by All the Free Hummus at Work

fresh hummus and pita bread
Photo by Naim Benjelloun on Pexels.com


It’s not normal, thinks Brenda. There shouldn’t be this much free hummus at a single workplace. First off, there aren’t even that many people working here. There are about 30 to 40 of us and over 100 individual hummus snack packs in the fridge. On top of the individual snack packs, there are large different flavored communal hummus containers too. There’s garlic, rosemary, lemon, and sundried tomato. Yummy. All the containers have been opened, and all have plenty of hummus remaining. Holy crap, thinks Brenda. That’s a shitload of Sabra.

Is 11 am too early to start eating the hummus? How should Brenda eat the hummus? Is it for breakfast, or is this technically for lunch? Should Brenda eat it straight out of the pack with a spoon or spread on a cracker? Is it okay to dip her finger in the hummus and lick it off with her tongue? Are people watching her eat this hummus? Seems like Larry from Development is. But hell, he’s knee deep in hummus too.

But wait a minute. Is this hummus actually free? There’s so much of the hummus that this is all probably part of some kind of hummus hoax. She bets the cost of the hummus is coming out of their paychecks. You can’t fool me, thinks Brenda. Or can you? I mean, she eats the hummus daily, nonstop. In fact, the hummus is the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up, and the last thing she thinks about before going to sleep. For every bite of hummus taken, is another dollar taken out of her salary? God, it’s so good though, thinks Brenda. The paranoia is worth it.

She’s not the only one hummus obsessed. Peter from Accounts Payable was caught in the bathroom shoveling hummus into his face, according to Dan from Design. The cleaning staff found the CFO’s keyboard covered in Sabra and pita chip crumbs. Even  Brenda  hoards hummus snack packs in her brassiere. Why are people seemingly addicted to this hummus when there’s plenty available?

Is the hummus laced with…crack? or cocaine? or angel dust? Why else would people be so into this hummus? It can’t be drugged hummus, no no. But this could be part of an experiment. How much hummus can one office eat without realizing the hummus is poison?

Brenda is in a daze, her face and hands covered in free hummus at her desk. She hears a voice. It’s Peter’s.

“Want some more hummus?” says Peter.

“Of course. Dammit. Yes I do,” retorts Brenda.

The hummus cycle begins again.

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