Both of your Instagrams could use the extra likes
You do fully plan on making a separate Instagram account for Bailey once you bring him home. Your gender reveal pics would be the perfect debut. Sure, he doesn’t care about any of this because he’s a dog. But ever since Jessa got thousands of likes for shooting a target that exploded in pink dust, you’ve thought about how you can get the same external validation for yourself.
Your dog is your baby
Everyone knows that a having a pet is the exact same thing as parenting a human baby. You are not a dog owner, you are a dog MOM goddamnit. So why shouldn’t you get the same pomp and circumstance for adopting Bailey from the Humane Society as your sister did for giving birth to your niece, what’s-her-name?
Pushing of gender roles on a dog makes about as much sense as it does for a baby
Bailey may not know what baseballs or ballet slippers are because he’s a dog, but you know what, Maddie? Neither did Braidenn before he was born.
It’s been a while since you’ve had a good party
It’s been a long time since you’ve had people over, hasn’t it? All your friends have kids, spouses, high-powered careers, and interesting lives. They’re just too busy for you. You have none of that, but you’ve got plenty to celebrate! You’re getting a dog! That’s just as important as Todd and Andy’s wedding that they didn’t invite you to, right?
You can’t afford everything you need for this dog, so why not register for it?
Getting a dog and having a baby are both expensive and require a lot of paraphernalia. So why is it only socially acceptable to have multiple parties where people give you gifts if you have a baby? That’s a double standard that you and pet parents everywhere can help change. Maybe after your gender reveal you can have a doggy shower. But you probably won’t be able to stretch five parties out of it like Heather did for her pregnancy.
Maybe it’ll get everyone off your back about having kids?
Now that more and more of your friends and family members your age are procreating, everyone seems to be urgently awaiting the news of when you will join them. No matter what your reason for not having kids, you need a way to stop all the goddamn questions. Going balls-to-the-wall on “my dog is my baby!” will do just that. Once they see what a pain in the ass you are about your dog, they’ll dread seeing what you’re like as a parent.