Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to lay to rest: THE AMERICAN DREAM. It died before its time. Or DID IT?!
It’s legacy is a complicated one. It is survived by its children: WAR, POVERTY, and LIES. As well as their children: DEATH, COMPLACENCY, and a WEAK DOLLAR.
It also leaves behind two sisters: ladies JUSTICE and LIBERTY, NEITHER of whom I see here today.
The American Dream was far from the first in the family to suffer this fate, though, as we have already gathered to mourn its maternal uncle: INDUSTRY, it’s grandfather: DISCOURSE, and its cousins TRANSPARENCY, DISSENT, and RAILROADS, all of whom we dearly remember, but BARELY.
Also, it might be unorthodox, but we are also joined by the American Dream’s MURDERERS: CONGRESS, BIGOTRY, PARTISANSHIP, MALAISE, GENERATIONAL DISTRUST, BIG BUSINESS, WALL STREET, OFFSHORE BANKING, and the FORGOTTEN SPIRIT OF INNOVATION. They take up the whole back row.
Still, do not shed a tear, for The American Dream lived to the ripe old age of 2019 MINUS 1776. That is, IF IT EVER WAS BORN IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Though it has died, it will never be truly gone. It will live in our hearts whenever we think of the, the WAGE GAP, ISOLATIONISM, the PLIGHT OF THE MIDDLE CLASS, and maybe, I DON’T KNOW, the WHOPPER JR.?!
Who even KNOWS what happens after we die? The American Dream, as a MELTING POT, should have had a SOLID UNDERSTANDING OF EACH RELIGIOUS INTERPRETATION, but WHO’S TO SAY?
Either way, it’s good for you mourners, the ELECTORAL COLLEGE, to pay your respects to the dead. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me, A BALD EAGLE, deliver this eulogy.
Please be sure to leave your condolences in the guestbook, AKA THE CONSTITUTION, before you leave, and if you’re going outside, please use the doormat, AKA THE AMERICAN FLAG, on your way back in. Thank you for coming to the funeral home AKA it’s just a funeral home.