Types of Geniuses I Still Have Time to Become

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Growing up, other children didn’t quite “get” me. Even teachers struggled to make sense of me. I was different. For as long as I can remember, I have just known I wanted to be a genius. It came naturally.

Most geniuses are plucked from the herd early on, but some aren’t discovered until later in life. To be honest, I did sort of think I’d be a prodigy by now, but so what. Isaac Newton didn’t become a genius until that apple fell on his head and Will Hunting from Good Will Hunting didn’t become a genius until Professor Lambeau taught Will everything he knew. Now at age 19, here are the types of geniuses I still have time to become:

Struck-by-lightning genius

I believe this is how Ben Franklin became a genius. Getting struck by lightning is like the lottery-win of the ways to become a genius. It’s rare and kinda sexy. The only problem with getting struck by lightning is that there’s a good chance I’ll die. It’s a risk I’m willing to take though. A side note-to-self: putting a toaster in the bathtub or licking an electric fence won’t do; artificial electrocution can’t jump your central nervous system in the same way a bonafide lightning bolt can!

Hit-my-head genius

Another slightly ballsier way to achieve genius status. Also, as with the lightning strike, it’s cool because you never know what type of genius power you might get. You might get piano genius, math genius, chess genius, calendar genius (lame), or you could draw the short straw and end up paralyzed. Or both paralyzed and genius. It’s a real grab bag but that’s what keeps it interesting.

Genius not appreciated until after his time

If this is the type of genius I become, I’ll have proof I was born in the wrong generation, which I am always saying. If I must be a genius not appreciated until after his time, I hope I die really young so my legacy can still be shoved in the faces of my doubters.

I am already a genius and everyone else is an idiot living in my genius world

This is the one that gets me most excited. I literally have binders full of great ideas but no one seems to want to listen. The majority of my ideas are centered around themed restaurant ventures, however, I have plenty more ideas involving lasers and robots and science stuff too. I won’t tell you my best idea because you’d steal it, but my fourth best idea is for a furniture store called “Comfordable,” which would sell comfortable, yet affordable couches.

Autistic savant genius

Right now the only method I know that even has a chance of giving me autism is vaccines, so once I load up on those I’ll take it from there. Cheers to the future!

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