After years of dropping in and out of film studies classes at most local community colleges in between shifts at the Cat Cafe, I am beyond excited to announce that I have finally finished my first experimental short film! The film is called, My Trip To Seattle (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Eating Those creepy Looking Fish at the Market with Their Eyeballs Still Attached.) It is an experimental home video chronicling my recent voyage into the beautifully mysterious Pacific Northwest, specifically and almost exclusively Pike Place Market in downtown Seattle. Stylistically, I drew inspiration from the grotesque short films of David Lynch, the poetic travelogues of Jack Kerouac and the amateurish photography of a father learning how to work the new digital camera his children bought him last Christmas. Though the run time is an immersive 2 minutes I feel it really allows the viewers to feel every single second of the 48 hours I spent in America’s Heartland through a so-ugly-it’s-almost-beautiful kaleidoscopic collage of images set to a disorienting Oceanic Synth Pop soundtrack.
As you can probably guess, I am super excited to show my latest creation to the world. That’s why I am reaching out to you, my Facebook Family, to find anyone who may have connections to any of the major national museums or a friend’s shitty basement.
I feel that the hallowed halls of the Detroit Institute of Art, The Chicago Art Institute or MoMA would be the perfect locations for my wonderful Easter egg of a film to blossom amongst the greats like Van Gough, Warhol, and Kahlo. That being said, if none of you happen to have an “in” at any of those prestigious establishments, that basement on the corner of Inkster and 5 Mile where Jerry threw up on Caitlin that one time works just fine.
In my mind’s eye, I picture my beautiful baby screening in a completely soundproof room on a single solitary television that’s set at the highest volume while Marina Abramovic weeps in the corner, but if your grandmother happens to have some extra sheets (dirty or clean) that I can duct tape to the wall of her crawl space I would love her phone number or AOL account so I can reach out.
Honestly, I think it would even be great to premiere at a smaller venue like a Museum of Contemporary Art or an unfinished basement that is haunted by the faint sounds of the Crash Bandicoot 2 soundtrack and reeks of youth lost.
While I cannot offer any monetary reimbursement at this time, I promise anyone who helps me find a venue for the fruit of my creative loins will receive a free DVD copy of the film. The venue itself will receive plenty of exposure on my various social media accounts and I will personally purchase a 6-pack of PBR to bribe the Health Inspector with, in case word of the asbestos gets out.
Please send any potential leads and inquiries to my new business email: email@example.com
Thank you so so much,