From: The Flower Shop
Subject: Flowers for Mother’s Day
What better way to show your mother you care than with flowers on her special day? It’s a timeless, classic gift, one she’ll always appreciate.
But here at The Flower Shop, we know that some of you who have lost your mothers might be spending the day visiting her grave. And what trip to a cemetery is complete without flowers? Consider shopping our “We’re Sorry Your Mother Is Dead” collection now.
From: Frame Me!
Subject: Mother’s Day, a time for cherishing memories
We’re so excited to share that in honor of Mother’s Day, we’re bringing back our most successful ever line of pastel frames. A framed picture of you and your mother is the perfect way to tell your dad, “I want you to be happy, but if you start dating too soon I will pierce every part of my body.”
From: Sharper Objects
Subject: You have two dads!
And we think that’s dope. That’s why this week we’re offering 20% off our entire pen collection. A perfect opportunity to ask your dads what they used 20 years ago when they signed your adoption papers: Ballpoint or fountain?
From: Jay Jewelers
Subject: Diamonds – and love – are forever
Here at Jay Jewelers, we don’t just celebrate moms on Mother’s Day – we celebrate all of the unconventional mother figures in your life, be they blood relatives or not. When searching for a gift for your stepmom, or that woman your father calls his “special someone” even though you can’t really figure out what their relationship is (do they have sex? Not that you really want to know, but do they?), consider getting her this tasteful brooch. No item better says “I recognize you’re a person in my life” than a brooch.
From: Bonnie’s Diner
Subject: Celebrate Mother’s Day with us
In honor of Mother’s Day, your favorite neighborhood diner is offering an all-day brunch special. Of course, we know Mother’s Day is a tough day for some of you. But you still have to eat! Show us a copy of your mother’s death certificate and we’ll take 10% off your bill at checkout. There’s nothing to soften randomness and cruelty of loss like a second helping of pancakes.
From: Fruit of the Valley
For those of us mourning on Mother’s Day, it can be tempting to spend the whole day in bed with your head under the covers, binging on leftover Easter candy and watching FRIENDS on Netflix. But hey, no matter where your mother is right now, she probably would want you to make sure you’re still eating your fruits and vegetables. Our fruit baskets are buy one, get one free between now and Mother’s Day, which means that you can enjoy one basket yourself, and use the leftover apples in the other to pelt at your dad and his “special someone,” Sheila, on their too soon to be tasteful wedding day.