I Keep Purposely Smashing My iPhone Because I’m in Love with Doug at the Genius Bar

woman using space gray iphone x
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I first saw Doug way back when the iPhone 4 first came out. The times were simpler then. “Siri” didn’t exist yet, and my voice had no competition to win over Doug’s heart.

Doug took the time to put my new iPhone 4 in a special box, and he even offered me the choice between paying by cash or credit card. I paid by card so he would learn my name; I know that’s what he was after.

I left a selfie in the photobooth of one of the desktop computers to hold him over. It was in sepia-tone, of course.

A month later, I tried to see him again by purchasing a new pair of headphones, but apparently, Doug was promoted to handle tech and hardware issues. He was moving up in the world, and I was ready to pack up my bags and go with him.

That’s the night I smashed my first iPhone.

I went straight to Doug with the shattered screen, a damsel in distress. He immediately asked me how I dropped the phone. He was so concerned about my safety. I assured him that I was absolutely fine, it was my phone which needed mending. It was too early to tell him about my heart.

The only problem was that Doug was too damn good at his job. He fixed the screen within minutes and whisked me out the door. There was no time to make dinner plans; his lunch break would be coming up soon.

Upon exiting the Apple Store, I threw my phone into oncoming traffic and screamed for Doug to come save me.

Another $600 screen replacement meant another five minutes to watch Doug in his oversized Genius Bar t-shirt. The way he caressed my phone’s dangerous glass shards…I could only imagine him brushing those same, slightly cut-up fingers against my cheek.

Yes, iPhones are expensive, but so are weddings. It’s all in the name of love.

Doug and I have gone through over six models of the iPhone together, not to mention countless software updates. Last time I went to the store, he kept asking questions like, “What is your phone number?” and “Are you a student?” and “Do you want Apple Care?” Doug wouldn’t offer me Apple Care if he didn’t care about me. The name says it all.

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