Game of Thrones has finally come to an end with a universally-beloved series finale penned by creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. Thankfully they’re already hard at work on the scripts for a new series of Star Wars movies–– guaranteed to include these juicy twists!
- Yoda betrays generations of fans when he uses his fire breath to kill millions of innocent Ewoks on Endor.
- In a nod to the real-life vacuum of space, all scenes will be shot in pitch-black rooms with no oxygen.
- Rey, the heroine of the newest trilogy, is brought back just in time to be killed off by a male character.
- We all know that Luke is Leia’s brother, but did you know that Han has been Leia’s nephew this whole time?
- Wait, does that mean Luke is Han’s father? Okay, fine. LUKE IS HAN’S FATHER NOW.
- Chewbacca is seen eating a sweetgreen salad in the background of several scenes.
- All existing plot lines are scrapped in favor of the incredibly popular trade war from Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.
- That cat thing from the Force Awakens? It’s back, but nobody interacts with it because CGI is just so expensive, y’know?
- If given a whole trilogy, Benioff and Weiss vow to spend the first two films traveling on foot to a desert spaceport before introducing hyperspace transporter technology never before seen in Star Wars.
- At the end of the movies Jar Jar Binks is named Emperor.
