Your new roommate is the perfect match: They’re easy-going, you get along well, and they spend lots of time outside of the apartment. Unfortunately, their junk is everywhere, and it’s becoming clear that they’re a bit of a slob! When they pop their head in to let you know they’re heading off to Mexico City for the week, you couldn’t be more jazzed. You do a thorough clean of the apartment — jackpot! Now you get to live in this luxury Simple Green palace for seven sweet days.
After a couple of hours, though, The Mess begins to reemerge. Why are there so many clothes on the couch? The couch is for sitting! How did that Le Creuset get in the bathtub? And how are there already stacks of unread New Yorkers up to your ass in the hallway? This is bad news. The Mess has been yours all along — here’s what to do about it.
Take A Picture Of The Mess And Send It To Them With The Text “Do You Have Any Idea Where All This Stuff Came From?”
If you’re the one complaining about The Mess, there’s no way you can be the one that created it! If you act annoyed enough, maybe it will simply be easier for your roommate to fess up and apologize for leaving such a big mess for you to deal with. So rude!
Kick The Mess Under The Couch And Don’t Pull It Out Until They Get Back
Out of sight, out of responsibility! If you can’t see the mess during your week alone and it suddenly appears the day your roommate gets back, there’s no way it could be related to you. You’ll certainly be able to pin this one on your roommate. “Mess so soon?” Just because it’s probably very clear to your roommate that The Mess is and always has been yours, doesn’t mean this little trick won’t change their mind!
Put Some Of Your Roommate’s Stuff In The Mess To Make It Look Like Theirs
Looks like your roommate left their favorite shirt in their room! Go ahead and toss it on the pile of spare tote bags on the ground by the front door. If their shirt is with all of that crap, it must be their crap… right? You’re safe to roll your eyes and say “I can’t believe you left all that stuff in the middle of the floor again!” Lucky for you, your roommate will probably now feel compelled to go ahead and clean all of this all up!
While You’re At It, Go Ahead And Make A Mess In Their Room
You’ve got a week to get it just right. If you take every single thing out of their drawers and spread it around the floor like a new patterned carpet, their room will blend right into the rest of the apartment. With evidence this clear, there’s no way they won’t take your side! “How can you live like this? I prefer being able to see my floor!” You’ve definitely got them now.
Tell Your Roommate You Need To Move Out And Leave All This Stuff Behind
Your roommate is mad because your lies and gaslighting couldn’t be more blatant. That doesn’t make sense to you — wasn’t it their mess in the first place? Or was it yours? This stuff all looks so foreign… Time to find a new place to inhabit, far away from all of that unfamiliar junk! It’s important to live a minimalist lifestyle anyway. It’s probably what you would have had without this confused and cluttered roommate! Hopefully, when you’re out of there, someone will finally clean up after themselves.