By Lauren Tousignant
I’m emailing to invite you all to my first annual “We’re Just Going to Hang Out.” This is going to be an epic (always) and economical (like any of us are worried about money) event. Details below, hope you can make it.
What: The ultimate get together of close friends who know how to have the most fun and always bring the party, no matter the price – I mean, place. Think Taco Thursdays, where we hit as many Mexican restaurants as possible – even the ones without two-for-one deals – meets our Friendsgiving blowouts. It’ll be festive, it’ll be all of us together, and it’ll be two-for-nothing on all the food and alcohol in my kitchen, if you can believe it.
Where: My apartment. Picture Riley’s Holy Hell Half-Birthday at that bar designed to look like a living room where we paid $100 to drink PBRs and sit on the floor for 120 minutes. But better because in my living room, we can drink not-PBRs for as long as want. Best of all, there’s no cover charge baby. Save those hundred dollar bills for that top-shelf champagne — or your rent, utilities, and cost of living 😉
Attire: I’d be an idiot to try and top the dress code for Amanda’s Major Murder Mystery Moment at Midnight. Think a little less historically accurate costumes and the one-of-a-kind wigs Amanda required us to buy, and more…modern metropolitan. Jeans, t-shirts, maybe your favorite sweater. A “Choose Your Own Adventure” attire, if you will. (Though I don’t mean the cashmere onesies we have to wear for Kim’s CYOA Movie Nights.) ((Unless you’re trying to get your money’s worth out of those literally priceless suits of comfort, then by all means… because it’s all I’ve worn for the last 14 months.))
When: I tried my best to make sure this didn’t fall on or near any major holidays, long weekends, full, half or quarter birthdays, celestial events, petiversarys, national food days, Chris Pine Appreciation week, or our The Second Wednesday of the Month bash. I also obviously steered clear of June 6. I would never plan anything on, or near, the day where we buy hundreds of dollars of plants to do yoga with for National Gardening Exercise day. You definitely can’t put a price on how many likes those Instagrams always get.
(But I did anyway, just for laughs. I had 73 likes on last year’s photo, which averaged out to $5.20 per like. And only about $126 per new follower.)
Ok so, when: August 22. Unfortunately, it is a couple days away from Ryan and Chandler’s Fully Fake Wedding anniversary. But I believe we agreed we weren’t celebrating the third-year anniversary of the weekend we rented out a winery, booked a DJ, paid for actual groomsmen tuxes/bridesmaids dresses, and threw an elaborate rehearsal dinner the night before the fake marriage of our two friends? If I got my wires crossed, let me know. I can easily change the date and sell my hair so I can afford another truly insane soiree.
Time: I get off my second job at 10 pm, and can hold off checking my Lyft account until 2 am. Let’s say 10:30 to 1:45. Fully down to keep the party going even later if anyone feels like “requesting” that I have a good time! =D
Why: When’s the last time we got together and just like, hung out…without some wild and super worth it activity? I checked my transaction history and it’s been five years.
RSVP: I wouldn’t dare steal the spotlight from Greg’s amazing celebrity telegram invites. So instead of telling Chrissy Teigen whether or not you can attend, just respond to this e-mail. I’ll send you a silly Teigen GIF in return which, unlike Greg’s ingenious method, you’ll be able to revisit and enjoy whenever you want. Plus, I’ll use the money saved to get my apartment’s plumbing fixed. Not even my toilet will be missing out on this legendary evening. It’s gonna’ be one for the books!