Things Society Deems More Relevant Than a Woman Over 40

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  1. The cotton gin
  2. Gutenberg’s printing press
  3. Conversational Latin
  4. Rotary phones
  5. Payphones
  6. Phones made out of two cans connected by a long string
  7. Plague masks
  8. Medicinal leeches
  9. MC Hammer (pants)
  10. MC Hammer (music)
  11. Drive-thru movie theaters
  12. The coal mining industry
  13. Public school fine arts programs
  14. Ninety-Ninth verse of “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”
  15. Competitive pigeon racing
  16. Who shot J.R.?
  17. The proper pronunciation of “Nietzsche”
  18. The following greetings: “Cheerio,” “Pip, Pip,” and “Huzzah!”
  19. The following hairstyles: the “Farrah,” the “Meg,” and the “Rachel”
  20. Regional community theater awards
  21. Expired deli meats

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