Welcome to Starlet Bistro. We present an expansive menu that will make your interview for Ingenue Magazine’s summer cover story pop and illustrate your personality. Today’s offerings:
An arugula salad with one red tomato, a handful of bacon bits and, surprise, a full avocado
It’s a metaphor for your personality that will drive the through-line of this magazine profile. You’re a hardworking, All-American gal who isn’t afraid to have some fun and eat avocados.
Burger and Sweet Potato Truffle Fries with Aioli Sauce, and you have to eat everything and pretend not to panic about your waistline
We recommend washing the fries down with an IPA, the coolest of all beers. This selection is best if you’re doing publicity for a summer blockbuster or any superhero movie.
Veggie burger made of mashed peas and a side of fries
For those promoting a superhero sequel. There are only so many times you can be relatable and eat a meat-based burger during a promotional cycle before you’ll need to size up. Do consider that you’ll lose points in the public eye for being too uptight to enjoy a simple burger.
A single glass of white wine from an award-winning French vineyard
Suggested for muses who are hard to pin down. Alternatively, we offer single glasses of whiskey and, to up the ante, can bring out the mechanical bull we keep in storage if you’re looking for a stunt that will cut through the noise of gossip blogs, tweets, podcasts and 24/7 celebrity news.
Handmade rigatoni pasta, topped with locally sourced, organically grown sun-dried tomatoes and thoughtfully grated parmesan cheese
This dish sounds decadent in the third paragraph of your cover profile in Rolling Stone. We recommend this plate for stars transitioning from commercial successes and establishing careers as serious dramatic actors.
New York Cheesecake
Charm everyone, especially the male journalist who will write breathlessly about your casual ripped blue jeans and breezy white top in a way that suggests he’s never spent time with women before, by skipping the entree and going straight for dessert. You’re a child at heart!
A fun, filling Cobb salad topped with roasted sweet potato, organic kale and Brussel sprouts
A tasty and healthy meal that’s a perfect segway into your monologue that you don’t eat this way to be skinny or look beautiful. You eat healthy because you love empowering yourself and other women. Also, because it is your job to look this good and if you don’t maintain your body, your empire slips and at least three people will be out of work.
A la carte
We’ll make anything you want as long as you’re a man. Your choice in food says nothing about you as a person. However, we’ll look closely at your craft beer selection. Bon appetit!