14 Things to Say to Your Food Instead of Eating it.

By Dwayne Cullen

Summer is around the corner and we’re all working on our beach bodies. However, we all know that coming up to the finish line it becomes harder to stick to your goals. You may be walking past a decadent treat and you can just hear it calling to you, “Eat me! I’m Delicious!” Well, I’ve found a tried and true method to say no to these urges. Whether you want to love the beach or just love your body – Stand firmly, know that you are beautiful, and say this to your food instead of eating it:

Frozen fruit treat: “Outta my way, Sorbet!”

Freshly baked pie: “Say goodbye, Apple Pie!”

Faye 5% Yogurt: “Look, I’m not ready for something serious. I thought you knew that?”

New York Style Cheesecake: “Who did you vote for in the 2016 election? Your answer determines literally everything.”

Western Omelette: “You don’t get to decide what happens to my body.”

Chocolate Chip Cookie: “Look DUDE, I’m 23, you are way too old for me.”

Summer Greens Salad: “You are good to me, but I do not love you.”

Steak Tartare: “Who brings condoms on the first date?!”

Chicken Cutlet: “Why do you hate women?”

Chocolate Ice Cream: “You’re not an axe murderer right?”

Mushroom Bisque Soup: (say nothing. Ghost them. The soup will understand. It’s easier that way.)

Potato: “Hello, Potato!”

Supreme Nachos: “You never go down on me.”

Chocolate Croissant: “I have never loved you.”

Keep in mind – these are just a starting point! Feel free to improvise (maybe talk about your parents – your food hates that!)

These easy phrases, which are definitely not rejection texts I’ve received and are indeed things to say to food instead of eating it, will ultimately quell your cravings and let you focus on what matters most: You.

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