Free Hugs Guy Admits, “I’m in it for the Titties.”

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Brent, a free hugs sign-bearing dude  with a curly mustache, scraggly beard, and venereal disease, recently admitted to the press that, “He’s in it for the titties.”

An unemployed squatter in New York City, Brent has been doing the free hugs thing for about three months now. (He is originally from Long Island and has rich parents.) According to him, for the first month, offering free hugs was about spreading love and bliss. (Brent also mentioned, kind of randomly, that he is fond of poppers even though he doesn’t like butt sex.) He continued on to say that for the second month of his  free hugs campaign, he helped create brief periods of intimacy in what he described as a “vast sea of loneliness.”  (Although he is now homeless, Brent is a Sarah Lawrence graduate and majored in creative writing.)  Now that Brent has been entrenched in his routine for three months, his free hugs are admittedly, “all for the titties.”

“What kind of titties do you like to hug?” we asked Brent, as he fondled a teensy vial of poppers in his dirty palm.

“Big, small, medium. I don’t discriminate,” said Brent, as he visibly scratched his scrotal sack. “If I can graze a titty during one of my hugs, it’s a good day. I never do side hugs. I always do full frontal hugs. That way you make sure you touch some titties. One time, a girl wasn’t wearing a bra. I hugged her so tight I didn’t know where my aereolas ended and hers began, you know?” continued Brent, as he cleaned what appeared to dried jizz off his dirty Free Hugs sign.

“Do you hug men?” we asked Brent, as he sniffed some poppers.

“Only if they have titties. It’s not like I’m out there ONLY hugging women and leaving the men out. If a dude has a pair of titties on him, that’s just as good as a pair of titties on a lady. Like I said, I don’t discriminate,” says Brent, as a he fondled his very own butt.

“Do you yourself have titties?” we asked Brent.

“I do now. See, sometimes I’m forced to hug people without titties, which I don’t care for. To avoid being really sad about the lack of titties, I stopped bench pressing rocks and running around with my dog in parking lots, so that I could lose my pecks and grow some titties of my own. That way, if I hug a titty-less person, I at least have titties, you know?” said Brent.

If you’d like to meet Brent, he can be found in Union Square with a free hugs sign, a bag of poppers, a homeless dog, and of course, a pair of man titties. Get your free hugs people!

 

 

 

 

 

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