“Not Guilty” Pleas For Sexual Assault Trump Thinks Are Admissible In Court

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Not guilty by reason of not hot enough.

Not guilty by reason of being super duper intimidatingly hot.

Not guilty by reason of being his wife.

Not guilty by reason of not being his wife.

Not guilty by reason of thinking she’s his wife because they’re both blonde but being mistaken.

Not guilty by reason of Fox News deeming all of the collective allegations to be one giant conspiracy.

Not guilty by reason of not believing women are people.

Not guilty by reason of being too tall to “grab by the pussy.”

Not guilty by reason of being paid off to stay quiet.

Not guilty by reason of everyone who voted for him being willing to accept violence against women in exchange for violence against immigrants and asylum seekers. 

Not guilty by reason of statistically it wouldn’t be all that surprising if a good portion of the jury were sexual abusers themselves.

Not guilty by reason of Nancy Pelosi having not begun impeachment proceedings yet.

Not guilty by reason of, hey, he hires women sometimes.

Not guilty by reason of alternative facts.

Not guilty by reason of Brett Kavanuagh’s calendar.

Not guilty by reason of incredibly expensive lawyer.

Not guilty by reason of HILLARY DID BENGHAZI WITH HER EMAILS.

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