The Very Hungry Caterpillar Just Turned 50 And She Would Like To Update Her Status

In the light of the moon, a caterpillar surveyed her sleeping family and the piles of dirty laundry and the school forms and the three memos she had to write. She silently wept for eight seconds, because of all the work and perimenopause—or maybe it was real menopause, as she started this adorable family a bit later than advertisers recommend. After three additional seconds of gnashing her opposable mandibles, she got going, her fury mounting with each inside-out caterpillar sock encounter.

The next morning, the warm sun came up and pop–out of her room came a very angry caterpillar. 

On Monday, she changed the toilet paper roll that had gone ignored for days. But she was still angry.

On Tuesday, she got through a full meal plan and grocery shop, but she was still angry.

On Wednesday, she found three missing caterpillar soccer uniforms, but she was still angry.

On Thursday, she bought four perfect teacher gifts, but she was still angry.

On Friday, she turned in five proposals, but she was still angry—though at least she was paid for that work.

On Saturday, she attended one soccer game, one community meeting, one emergency conference call, one field hockey clinic, one little caterpillar’s theatre rehearsal, one trip to the grocery store, and one super hero movie, where she finally had a meal: popcorn with fake butter and an orange Fanta. That night she had a headache and a stomachache and her sweet caterpillar family covered her in kisses and told her she did too much and to go have fun tomorrow. She fell asleep much less angry, though her stomach still hurt.

The next day was Sunday. The caterpillar ate a spinach omelet and drank two mimosas at brunch with her caterpillar friends, and after that she felt much better.

Now she wasn’t angry, she was just a drowsy caterpillar who wanted to curl up with her novel.

So she went home, built a small house of sheets that she called a cocoon, and stayed inside her bed for as long as she could.

Which wasn’t all that long, as her caterpillar children were hungry and apparently only she could properly microwave frozen nuggets. Her family pulled the covers off her cocoon, pushing her out to reveal …

A resigned but mostly loving caterpillar. That is, until she heard about the homemade butterfly costume required for tomorrow’s school play. 

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