National Holidays for My Iphone

photo of a woman using her iphone
Photo by Tamis Souza on

National Texting Day

National Mute Your Ex on Social Media Day

National Block Your Work Nemesis on Instagram Day

National Unwarranted  Sexual message from a Man on Twitter Day

National Frustrating/Ominous/Ultimately Hurtful SMS Ellipsis Day

National Waiting for Response From Your Ex Until the Sun Comes Up Day

National Never Looking at the Sun Unless It’s Reflected Off Of My Phone Day

National Incapable of Making Eye Contact Unless It’s on Facetime and Even Then It’s tough Day

National Facebook Stalking your Ex’s Ex’s Mom to Compare to Your Own Mom Day

National Surprisingly Sexual Cry for Help Instagram Story Day

National Pity Retweet Day

National Breastfeeding While Looking At Your Phone Day

National My Baby Doesn’t Come Before My Phone Day

National Horrific Reveal That You Spend Nine Hours on Your Phone a Day Day

National I sleep with my phone in my hand Day

National I poop and pee with my phone in my hand day

National I wish my phone was waterproof so I could shower with it I truly feel so alone in the shower day

National I never get anything done literally ever day

National I hate myself every moment that I’m not on my phone day plus every moment that I am on my phone day

National Air Drop a dick pic day

National I was on my phone while my grandpa was saying his last dying words to me day

National I watch movies that were made before Iphones were invented to feel alive day

National I don’t have conversations anymore day

National I need to watch porn on my phone during sex to get off day

National I take videos of everything my kids do that I never watch day

National when I listen to podcasts I’m also actually watching a webseries while at the same time checking the news while simultaneously stalking my ex on Facebook Twitter and Instagram day

National I wish I could check social media when I die day

National I’ve lost the ability to read day

National I can’t eat unless my phone is playing Youtube videos of storms day

National I can’t cry unless I watch a Youtube tutorial on how to cry day

National I’ve lost all my conversational skills day

National I don’t have any friends any more day

National my only friends are strange men on the internet day

National I have to break my phone day

National I have to get rid of this goddamn crutch day

National I am gonna burn my phone and be free day

National I am going to take a hike sans phone and never look back day

National I am going to throw my phone in the river day

National I am going to be the person I was before I was addicted to my phone day

National I am feeling lonely and insecure and withdrawn without a phone day

National I need a new phone day

National I need an upgrade day

National  I will not rest until I get a new phone day

National I am going to the Apple Store right now day

National I got a new phone and now I feel alive again day

National my phone is all I have day






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